Student Entry: Imperfect Me by Dishita Natu

Normal, what an odd subject,
A word that cripples my soul.
Expected to laugh and smile,
Molded like clay to fit a frame,
Sometimes this life feels like a game.
Eyes shown of joy,
But inside I feel destroyed.
Deep down I’m drowning in my tears,
Hoping to count on somebody to see through my exteriors,
But all people turn to see
Is a perfectly happy imperfect me.

This feeling is holding me hostage,
Wish I could cover this feeling cause it feels like a glitch.
Smiling through the pain,
But I’m being held back by an invisible chain.
I’ve held myself under lock and key,
Now suddenly everything is a haze to me.
Praying to God to make me somebody else,
Somebody who is anybody but myself.

Escaping from reality,
I realised comes with a price,
Needing to stay alive is what made me think twice.
The fire withering inside my soul,
Flooded with anxiety and trapped in an empty hole.

People say ‘It can’t be that bad’,
But little do they know,
That this very sentence is what makes me mad.
Slamming the door shut,
Face buried in my hands, hugging my knees
While tears flow down and make me freeze.

They will never grow to know this feeling,
They’ll never know why I find it unappealing.
Because deep down I’m suffering,
Deep down I’m broken but I keep wondering,
What it would feel like if I set myself free for a moment.

Screaming at the top of my lungs,
But no one can hear me.
So I can’t help but send a silent plea,
To whoever will listen- ‘I need a place to flee’.
It won’t leave me alone,
And I don’t know what to do.
Everytime I speak I say I’m fine,
But if they are inside my mind, they’ll know I’m at the bottom line.

I know I need to carry on,
Cause only I have the power,
To fight on each and every painful hour.
So here I stand
Ready to continue my story.
So that when people turn to see,
They’ll see a perfectly happy me.

The poem was written by Dishita Natu, a student of Vasant Valley School, Delhi. She submitted her work as a part of the Belongg Writing Contest 2021.

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