Student Entry: A Hesitation by Sairah Mamik

Hallucinations and illusions
Clowns, wolves and delusions,
I’m perceived as distraught
Because I tend to perceive things a lot.

Things not existing
One in a parallel world of my own,
Visions that are twisting
My mind and all that’s shown.

At first I felt I was a burden,
Only to soon realize
It’s not the end, but just a hurdle.

Why is it that when I try to leap and overcome it,
Society looks at me as if the illness is not legitimate,
As if the help I seek isn’t from a doctor too,
As if the anxiety and amnesia aren’t even worth a review.
Maybe you’d know if you stood here in my shoes,
That this isn’t see through, that on the inside I’m blue.

You enjoy my agitation as if it were a show
You call me paranoid but is it not rightfully so?
Social isolation and societal segregation
Mental degradation, and one big hesitation.

A hesitation,
One to accept all the eyes in the room staring at me,
Glaring at me even when I’m in the corner wanting to be unnoticed
Maybe soon acceptance with some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,
Would help swallow the pill I hesitated to take down
And maybe soon the frown of shame, will be turned upside down.

The poem was written by Sairah Mamik, a student of Vasant Valley School, Delhi. She submitted her work as a part of the Belongg Writing Contest 2021.

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